Sunday, November 23, 2008

It's a Pretty Good Life

By Bailey with Allison Adams, Copyright 2005



It's a pretty good life for an old kitty cat
I roll in the dirt when I feel fat
It's kinda gritty but I like it like that
It's a pretty good life for an old kitty cat

It's a pretty sweet deal for a cat like me
If it gets too hot I find a big tree
Or hide in the bushes where the people can't see
It's a pretty sweet deal for a cat like me

Think I'll go inside and have a little snack
Lick my coat til my tongue turns black
Pounce on a bug with a great big whack!

It's an okay day when it's said and done
Stalking the squirrels and dodging the sun
A lotta hard work but I guess it's fun
It's an okay day when it's said and done

Meow meow meow . . .

Think I'll go inside and have a little snack
Lick my coat til my tongue turns black
Pounce on a bug with a great big whack!

It's an okay day when it's said and done
Stalking the squirrels and dodging the sun
A lotta hard work but I guess it's fun
It's an okay day when it's said and done

Now I need a little nap so I gotta run

Meow yodel . . .

Bye!

I Hate To Pee In The Rain

Copyright 2008 Pippy The Schnoo, Cyndi Craven

My favorite place to pee
Is out by the water oak tree
Cause it's so big and wide
There's plenty of space to hide
But when the sky is dark
And the wind is blowing hard
And the rain is coming down like dogs
And rats all over the yard...

I hate to pee in the rain
It makes me a little insane
All that awful water coming down
Like a bunch of little runaway trains
I hate to pee in the rain
'Cause my pee washes down the drain
And then no one'll know I've been here before
And don't you know what cat pee is for
I use every drop to mark up my territor-ryyyyyy eeeeeeeeeee
That's why I hate... to pee... in the rain

My mom has a nice litter box
She fixed up just for me
But I gotta do my thing outside
Going indoors ain't for me
So even if it's pouring
And the tv has a tornado warning
If I gotta go, I gotta go outside
'Cause that's the kinda cat I be

But I hate to pee in the rain
It messes with my kitty-cat brain
With all that hateful water coming down
In an unending refrain
I hate to pee in the rain
'Cause my pee washes down the drain
And then no one'll know I've been here before
And don't you see what cat pee is for
I gotta save it mark up my territor-ryyyyy eeeeeeeeeee
That's why I hate to pee ... It's such a waste to pee ...
That's why I hate to pee ... in the rain

I can't stand the rain ... against my window....

Life Is Simple When You're A Cat

Copyright 2008 Pippy The Schnoo, Cyndi Craven

Life is simple when you're a cat
Meow meow meow, Meow meow meow
If you have a person who'll feed you well
And let you sleep in her lap
Meow …meow …meow

Life is simple when you're a puss
Meow meow meow, Meow meow meow
Stay up all night, fight and cuss
Then in the morning, you get a big mush
Meow …meow …meow

Now as some of you may know
I spent some time in jail (he spent some time in jail)
I didn't get no phone calls
I didn't get no mail (he didn't get no mail)
Even though my Aunt Peggy
Works for the US Postal Service
Delivering the mail all over Oklahoma City
To the people living with their kitties....
But she didn't know where I was
She didn't know where I waaaaaas…

I wrote this in the Cat’s Key of C
Meow meow meow, Meow meow meow
I wrote it in the Cat's Key of C
So my mom could play it on the ukulele
Meow …meow …meow

Instrumental or cat-whistle break like Now as some of you…

Life is simple when you're feline
Meow meow meow, Meow meow meow
If you have a little home and a person you love
To rub against to say "this one's mine"
Meow …meow …meow … Meow …meow …meow

"All I want is a room some ... where...."

Cat'll Call

Copyright 2008 Cyndi Craven, Tom Wolf, Wil Hodge

Sung to the tune of "Cattle Call" as made famous by Eddie Arnold.
"Meow, meow, etc." part is cat yodeling. Or meowdeling.


I'm so unhappy
I lost my gray tabby
I sit by myself and bawl
She's out there alone
So far from her home
I hope maybe my cat'll call

Meow, meow, etc.
Hoping my cat'll call

She was last seen
Through a hole in the screen
Jumping over the backyard wall
I hope she's okay
Still I listen each day
Hoping my cat'll call

Meow, meow, etc.
Hoping my cat'll call

It's been nearly a year
Since kitty was here
On my bed in a happy sprawl
She took off with some tom
But I'll remain calm
And hope that my cat'll call

Meow, meow, etc.
Hoping my cat'll call

Maneki Neko

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

Maneki Neko
Let's play pachinko
oh oh oh oh oh oh
Maneki Neko
You love the sumo
oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're good (so good) for success
And lucky in business
Right (so right) with the first guess
And full of gleeful gee whizzness
Maneki Neko (oh oh oh oh oh)

Maneki Neko
Your waving paw goes
oh oh oh oh oh oh
Maneki Neko
Wave to the sumo
as out of the bar they go

You're up (so up) on a high high shelf
With all of your little litter mates
Gold for money, Black for health
White for the best sumo date
Maneki Neko (oh oh oh oh oh)

Maneki Neko
Your belly and friends grow
oh oh oh oh oh oh
Maneki Neko
You're fat as a sumo
oh oh oh oh oh oh

(fadeout)
Maneki Neko, you love the sushi
oh oh oh oh oh oh
Maneki Neko, your shelf is cushy
oh oh oh oh oh oh

Frankie and Leo

Copyright c 2006 by David Paul Christman

This Independence Just Makes Me Feel Like a Stray

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

Oh, how I hate to travel
Even just down the block, it’s
Noon and the day is starting to unravel
I’m dodging rabid dogs and bottle rockets

So, it’s slinking under oily cars
And hiding under porches dusty
Bombed out yards with giant scars
From teenage boys, so fireworks lusty

It’s another Fourth of July, hooray
I won’t be seeing a squirrel or blue jay today
They’ll all be hiding far far away
This independence make me feel just like a stray

I’m used to sleeping 15 hours at a time
But it’s early on the 5th and it’s still exploding frightfully
The fireflies are like little sparks sublime
That at least don’t hurt when they land on me

It was another 4th of July, hooray
They forgot to feed me and they’re sleeping in disarray
And all of the hot dogs have been eaten anyway
This independence just makes me feel like a stray

Feline Upholsterers

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

(2100 / 2110 / 2120 / 0100 / 2222 / 4444 )

Well,
Here I am, it’s a fact
Cat claws are exactly like upholstery tacks
Expertly placed up and down my back

I guess,
They all drifted in and without guilt
Pinned me in under my grandma’s quilt
Like tiny hardworking rumplestiltskins

Now
I’m wide awake, deafened by the purrs
Of these expert feline upholsterers
I have to pee so bad I can’t think up a suitable curse

Looks like
The sunrise breaks in awhile
Who knew they were so versatile
I inhale and close my eyes and merge into the textile

So,
Here I am, now a part of the furniture
When I’ll be released only their stomachs know for sure
Wish I had a camera, this would make a funny picture

I Gave My Heart to the Cat

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

I hate to report your sweet talk’s falling flat
Timing is everything and that is simply that
Mr. Paws was here and now, meow
So I gave my heart, every little part, I gave my heart to the cat

Sorry, you’re way too late
Yes, it’s true relationships are great
If I had met you earlier in life
I would have considered being a girlfriend or wife

I hate to relate your argument’s old hat
And fails to make my heartbeat pitter pat
Mr. Paws was here sharing fur and purr after purr
So I gave my heart, even the secret parts, I gave my heart to the cat

Maybe in the next life you’ll change priorities
And master relationships in your thirties
But I think you better plan another master plan
There’s more pure love discovered in a feline than a man

I hate to report your pleading sounds like gnats
And is not supported by the scientific facts
Mr. Paws was here with his hisses and kisses
So I gave my heart, with manual and spare parts, I gave my heart,
Even the heart of my heart, I gave my heart to the cat
and that is that, I gave my heart to the cat

The Feral Cats Are Watching

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

The feral cats are watching the building tonight
After the night watchman falls asleep by his nightlight
A few hamburger patties bolster their furry courage
They’ll be groomed and ready to leap up and discourage

The workmen during the day trip on them underfoot
And spill coffee and Gatorade every which way
The kitties stay clean even with all the dust and soot
But occasionally need to be freed from the Port-o-lays

Pranksters, tool stealers, those in search of privacy
Wanna-be dealers of drugs, sex and minor forms of piracy
Are no match as they patrol in their two-tone uniforms
In these nine stories of soon-to-be filled college dorms

The workmen during the day trip on them continuously
But it’s a small price to pay for their lionine job devotion
The cats patrol with their night eyes religiously
And only occasionally cry from a locked Port-a-John

The feral cats are on the job this evening
On the fifth floor there’s some caterwauling
That wakes and knocks the security guard from his chair
Under the moon like a big cat eye way up there

The workmen during the day give them many names
“He looks like an Ikaika or Kai, don’t he?”
Working without them wouldn’t feel quite the same
When one dies on the job, they bury him with ceremony
under the port-a-potty

Little Zen Sandbox

Copyright c 2002 by David Paul Christman



(Japanesy Am – Dm – Em pattern to infinity)

I’m dreaming of your little Zen sandbox,
Three by three by infinity.
Tiny rake, little rocks
Under the shade of a sycamore tree.

Little rocks, tiny rake
Surest cure for a big headache.
It’s got class, it’s got Feng Shui
It’s a peaceful, natural matinee.

I’m sitting in your little Zen sandbox
Eating an apple, thinking of you.
Cool sand between my toes
Counting syllables for haiku.

I’m waiting for you –
A fluffy cat is scratching –
Digging up antiques?

Tiny rake, setting sun,
Little island of oblivion.
Getting lost isn’t very hard,
Without leaving your backyard.


I’m sitting in your little Zen sandbox,
I’ve got everything perfect for us.
A little dollhouse-sized bottle of warm sake.
Some sushi originally octopus.

Building a great wall –
Between fluffy and sushi—
Sand flying like swans!

Porcelain horse, wooden wall
A whole lot better than miniature golf
It’s exotic, It’s got charm
It’s got Japanese beetles crawling up my arm.

I’m dreaming of your little Zen sandbox
Three by three by infinity…

Where are you, snow pea?
Fluffy is playing koto
On the to go box

How Can I Compete with a Cat Between Your Legs

Copyright c 2005 by David Paul Christman

C – Em – F – G until your fingers fall off)


How can I compete with a cat between your legs?
You don’t seem to like it quite so much when I beg
And I’m not orange, another strike against me.
(The last bird I brought in was a frozen turkey)

Let me compare you to a summer’s day
With the orange tabby safely seven blocks away
I can’t compete with him when it’s time to nap
And he revs up his motor and hops into your lap

How can I compete with a cat between your thighs?
I’m not supposed to pick on folks 1/13th my size
Okay, he’s got better grooming, I think I’ll take a shower
And come back and see if there’s room for me in half an hour

When I’m around you I’m so in awe I can’t breathe
(Or maybe it’s just the saber toothed cat fur allergy)
Anyway, I really tear up and get puffy in the face
Just thinking about maybe taking his place

How can I compete with a cat between your calves?
If I could speak meow I’d negotiate for halves
It isn’t fair, he’s really just being a hog
And I wish you’d notice for once your boyfriend underdog.

And I'll Purr Like the Cat

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

(Soprano ukulele: G -- D6 -- C -- G // C -- D6 -- G -- D6//)

Scratch me under the chin
Like you do with him
And I’ll purr like the cat!

Hold me in your lap
And let me take a nap
Yes, I’ll purr like that!

Boyfriends need a little petting too!
Right behind our ear and there’s nothing we won’t do!

Scratch me under the chin
And then do it again
And I’ll purr like the cat!

Take my face into your hands
And tell me I’m better than a man
And I’ll purr like that!

Domestic partners love affection of all kinds
Up and down the spine with your fingernails is fine!

Hold me to your chest
Every night as you rest
And I’ll purr
forever

She's a Steamroller for the Kitties!

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

(ukulele blues in D)

Just a little kitty company
That’s all she wants
A little kitty company
That’s all she needs
Don’t get between her
And her little kitties, unless you want to see yourself bleed

‘Cause she’s a steamroller for the kitties
And she’ll roll right over you
Steamroller for the kitties
Drag you through a bag of old cat litter too

Just a little kitty company
That’s all she likes
Kitty company
All she desires
And if you cross the path between her
And her kitties, you’ll find yourself soon on fire

‘Cause she’s a steamroller for the kitties
And she’ll leave you as thin as a pancake
Steamroller for the kittie
With your mouse-eating grin like a road killed garter snake

Just a little kitty company
Time for hugs and scratches
Kitty company
All on board! Wet Nose Express
And if you step between her
And her kitties, you’ll soon find yourself permanently out of breath

‘Cause she’s a steamroller for the kitties
You’ll think its cute at first, they all do!
Steamroller for the kitties
Until a giant land-moving furball’s bearing down, catchin’ up to you

Just a little kitty company
Is all she needs
Kitty company
Just wait and see
And if you insult her itty bitty kitties
You’ll soon be joining the Flat Earth Society

Gettin' Our Hair Done

Copyright c 2008 by David Paul Christman

(Soprao ukulele: 6454 / 6444 / 2222 / 4444)

Gettin' our hair done
Jessie and me growing old
She points her paw at
Just the right shade of gold

And now, at least until
Out our hair does playfully grow
She's in camouflage
When she sleeps on my pillow

I sit in the hairdresser's chair
Reading Vogue and Mademoiselle
Jessie falls asleep, a golden bear
In the big picture windowsill

And now, at least until
Our next appointment in 6 weeks
She's in camo as a pony tail
When I hold her up to my cheek

Gettin' our hair done
Jessie and me growing mellow
Just a hint of red setting sun
Tickling gold and yellow

Waking up to birds singing free
Stretching, sighing without tension
We untangle ourselves delicately
From mutual hair extensions

Gettin our hair brushed
Jessie and me growing bored
Singing along in separate keys
We head for the kitchen cupboard

A Kitten Named Claude

Copyright c 1999 by David Paul Christman



(C -- F -- C -- G7 // F -- C --G7 -- C //)

There's a kitten crawling up my leg
I do not know his name (I'll ask).
Does he think I have a pirate pegleg
And he's crawling up the mast?

There's a kitten hanging from my hip.
(He says his name is Claude.)
Let me give this kitten one legal tip:
Climbing up me is outlawed.

A kitten kitten kitten kitten etc.
Kitten kitten kitten kitten named Claude.
Kitten kitten kitten kitten etc.
Climbing up me is outlawed.

There's a kitten clinging to my shirt,
He's puffing out his fur.
Now I can't tell the difference from
My beating heart and his noisy purr.

There's a kitten sitting on my shoulder here.
His teeth could use some brushing.
He's licking on my ear and nose
In addition to his other washing.

A kitten kitten kitten kitten etc.
I'm starting to feel like I've been pawed.

Yeah, Claude is sitting on my head,
His claws could use a trim, 'cause
Everytime he squeezes his paws tight,
The lights for me begin to dim.

There's a kitten flying to the floor.
Good thing he's got nine lives.
I wonder if I'll die from Cat Scratch Fever
>From Claude's ten razor-sharp knives.

A kitten kitten kitten kitten etc.
Climbing up me is outlawed,
'Cause I hate when I get pawed,
Maybe I should have got a dog.

Song Notes: There really is a cat named Claude, who is paralyzed from the hips down.
He has an indomitable spirit and gets along just fine. This song was
written after hearing about him.

Jump on the Scrabble Board, Percy!

Copyright c 2005 by David Paul Christman



(Country D – G – A7 chord pattern)

Jump on the Scrabble board Percy
I’m losing my mind, I need a little mercy

She’s had a giant bingo on a triple triple
I’m feeling linguistically crippled

It’s looking worse and I just drew out a q and 3 i’s
So before I curse jump on the Scrabble board, I need a big surprise

It’s something like 405 to 101
I’m wondering why I used to think Scrabble was fun

So, jump on the Scrabble board, you cute little orange cat
I’ll repay you later with a little warm bacon fat

I’ve challenged another word and lost my turn, now I’m pissed
Who knew the dictionary was one third botanist?

She got three of the esses and both of the blanks, I’m a chump~
I need a miracle Percy, come to my rescue, please, jump!

Percy's Eatin' Japanese

Copyright c 2005 by David Paul Christman



(G – Am – Bm – Am pattern to infinity)

[G]Percy's in the [Am]sushi rice
[Bm]Supervising, making [Am]sure it's nice
[G]The perfect bed for his [Am]greatest wish
A piece of [Bm]tuna or some other raw [Am]fish[G][Am][Bm][Am]

He's playing with his chopsticks
A little Noh show -- people watch this!
If he could wield the knife, he'd by a samurai-ing
But when the fish is unwrapped, he acts just like he's dying!

CHORUS:
Percy's eating Japanese
Skip the soy sauce, no ginger if you please
Light on wasabi, keep the pretty dish
Teensy bit of rice -- more fish!

(RAP) Now he's spread like a fan in front of the fire!
Licking his paws and his growing spare tire!
He might be persuaded to have another piece
His meow sounds like "make that two" in pidgin japanese!

Pippy The Schnoo

Copyright 2008 Pippy The Schnoo, Cyndi Craven



In the morning my mom turns the faucet on
I like to take a drink, fresh water in the sink
My name is Pippy… Pippy the Schnoo… doo-dee-oo-doo

And when I sleep, I stretch out my little white feet
My mom thinks it’s cute, me in my black and white suit
My name is Pippy… Pippy the Schnoo… doo-dee-oo-doo

I like to play, I don’t fuss
And I purr just like a Volkswagen bus
I’m friends with everyone
And I spend most of my day in the sun

I like to stalk anything that might walk
Past where I hide, look out I’ll surprise you
Here comes Pippy… Pippy the Schnoo… doo-dee-oo-doo

But not long ago, I had a tough row to hoe
I didn’t have a home, no mom or dad of my own
My name was Pippy… Pippy the sad-schnoody-boo-hoo

My owner gave me away,
‘Cause he moved somewhere that I couldn’t stay
I spent some time in jail
I didn’t get no phone calls or get no mail

And then guess who… a lady named LaRue
Came and took me to the home
Of my schnoodly-oodee-Cat-Mom
Whose name is Cyndi… Cyndi the Schnoo (she’s a schnoo, too)

And now I sit outside
Where I can sniff the air and I give a sigh
Oh, what a wonderful life
No kitty stress, and no kitty strife

I bite my mom to let her know she’s the one
That I truly love way beyond and above
And she loves Pippy… Pippy the Schnoo… doo-dee-oo-doo
And she loves Pippy (that’s ME!)… Pippy the Schnoo…
Doo-dee-oo-doo, doo-dee-oo-doo, doo-dee-oo-doo!

Little Pink Nose (Bodhi's Got A)

Copyright 2008 Cyndi Craven (Starcraven Music - BMI)

Key: C (ukulele)


Cyndi Craven performing her song "Little Pink Nose (Bodhi's Got A)" from Cyndi Craven on Vimeo.

Little pink nose
Bodhi's got a little pink nose
(Little pink nose)
Little pink nose
Bodhi's got a little pink nose
(Little pink nose)
And everything he smells
Smells just like a little pink rose
(Little pink rose)

Little pink ears
Bodhi's got little pink ears
(Little pink ears)
Little pink ears
Bodhi's got little pink ears
(Little pink ears)
Lovely pink songs
That's what each little ear hears
(Little ear hears)

Little pink pads
Bodhi's got the pink foot pads
(Pink foot pads)
Little pink pads
Bodhi's got pink foot pads
(Pink foot pads)
And wherever he goes
Pink footprints by the scads
(Just like his dad's!)

Instru. Break

Smudge on his head
Bodhi's got a smudge on his head
(Smudge on his head)
His fur all white
Except for the smudge on his head
It's a very pretty gray
But he wishes it was pink instead
(Pink instead)

[Optional Flatulence Verse]
Little pink farts
Bodhi's got little pink farts
(Little pink farts)
Little pink farts
Bodhi's got little pink farts
(Little pink farts... it's true!)
And each one he passes
Turns into a little pink heart
(Little pink heart)

Little pink nose
Bodhi's got a little pink nose
(Little pink nose)
Little pink nose
Bodhi's got a little pink nose
(Little pink nose)
And everything he smells
Smells like a little pink rose
(Little pink rose,
Little pink rose, little pink rose, with his little pink nose.)