How Can I Compete with a Cat Between Your Legs

Copyright c 2005 by David Paul Christman

C – Em – F – G until your fingers fall off)


How can I compete with a cat between your legs?
You don’t seem to like it quite so much when I beg
And I’m not orange, another strike against me.
(The last bird I brought in was a frozen turkey)

Let me compare you to a summer’s day
With the orange tabby safely seven blocks away
I can’t compete with him when it’s time to nap
And he revs up his motor and hops into your lap

How can I compete with a cat between your thighs?
I’m not supposed to pick on folks 1/13th my size
Okay, he’s got better grooming, I think I’ll take a shower
And come back and see if there’s room for me in half an hour

When I’m around you I’m so in awe I can’t breathe
(Or maybe it’s just the saber toothed cat fur allergy)
Anyway, I really tear up and get puffy in the face
Just thinking about maybe taking his place

How can I compete with a cat between your calves?
If I could speak meow I’d negotiate for halves
It isn’t fair, he’s really just being a hog
And I wish you’d notice for once your boyfriend underdog.